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My three best friends are coming over to visit me in May, and I cannot wait. These are the girls (and yes, in my mind, we're still "girls", not "women"!) I went to college with, who travelled cross-country to attend my wedding reception in Seattle, and who cried with me at the airport when we had to say goodbye.
These are the girls who, when I'm feeling inexplicably down, will act as mindreaders and know precisely when to send a text, a letter, or a hilarious anecdote out of the blue - just to remind me that they're there. That they exist.
Occasionally, I'll come home and find an envelope stamped from San Diego, California from the makeshift cardboard "mail box" in the communal hallway. Without stopping to take off my shoes or coat - the buzz of my music still playing in the earphones I've now taken out - I'll sink onto the carpet in our entryway, eagerly tearing open the envelope and excitedly scanning the letter for news, for laughs, for love.
It's that kind of friendship.
We have a term for this kind of friendship: "soul sisters". That is, that you have the ability to intuit each other's moods, feelings, thoughts even from thousands and thousands of miles away. And you have a secret code when you're together. Normal occurences become fodder for tales that will be retold for years to come. In advance of my friends' visit this May, I've sent a group text that read (on more than one occasion), "I can't wait to make new memories with you all!"
Because when they're around? Everything is more fun. Everything's sunnier, brighter, clearer.
While I love and adore the friends I've made during my time here in London, it sometimes makes me sad that there's no one here (besides John) who really "knows" me the way my three best friends do. I miss the completely easy, effortless friendships that we have. It's part of having a shared history, isn't it?
I've talked about long-distance (romantic) relationships before, but I'd love to hear from you about long-distance friendships. How are these friendships tested when we move abroad? Or simply, when we've relocated to a different city, a train or a plane ride away?
If you're an expat, how often do you keep in touch with friends from "home"?
Such a nice post - I've kept quite a few friends from my time in France and although we don't see each other very often, when we do it's like we were never apart
ReplyDeleteSuze | LuxuryColumnist
That's lovely, Suze - how long were you living in France for?
DeleteI'm a fan of the humble postcard (usually purchased in bulk from Paperchase (love, love, love their Tottenham Court Road flagship store)) to keep in touch with friends around the world. Social media works for a quick "hello", but it's not the same. My sister lives in Texas and we use WhatsApp and Facetime alongside the Royal Mail.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Ruth! Postcards are a GREAT idea. I might steal that idea instead of opting for a proper letter/card every time!
DeleteSuch a nice post, Jamie!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean. I seem to be destined to be in different countries to all of my best friends! But you really do figure out who your REAL friends are, and pretty fast too.
Lauren xx
The Lifestyle Diaries
Aw, thank you, Lauren. Yes, I know what you mean about "real" friends ... although, while my closest friends here in London are very much my "real" friends, they don't necessarily "know" me in the same way as my college friends ... does that make sense? I just think that they know me in a different context and we don't have that same shared history, but I suppose that you're closer with people who knew you during your formative years, aren't you? This is getting way too deep for a Tuesday afternoon, haha! xx
DeleteI love postcards....there's nothing better to receive.....and I send them all round the world.
ReplyDeleteI love postcards too, Jacky! I tend to opt for cards or letters though, as I tend to write too much and find that a postcard doesn't have enough room! But I am going to practise my tiniest, neatest handwriting ... and will stock up at Paperchase soon!
DeleteCan I suggest you stock up in small, independent shops and galleries....you'd be supporting the 'just a card' campaign and helping small business owners survive.
DeleteExcellent idea, Jacky!
DeleteI enjoy shopping at Paperchase because they stock my some of favorite independent card designers, so I am still supporting small business owners in that way.
DeleteThis was one of the hardest things for me when I first came here – realizing that making friends was going to be difficult. It took me a long time to find people I "clicked" with, which wasn't the case when I'd moved before. (I was in my early 20s, and everyone is making friends in their early 20s). It's hard being away from the people who really "know" you, that's for sure!
ReplyDeleteFor sure, Robin. You mentioned that it wasn't the case when you'd moved before ... do you think that's a UK-specific thing or mostly due to the age aspect that you mentioned?
DeleteThis is absolutely preaching to my soul right now, lady. I feel exactly the same way, and perhaps creepily, one of my best friends lives in San Diego, too! Blog soulmates, maybe? haha I'm finding it really hard to be as satisfied in my relationships here abroad as I am with my best friends from home, so I know how you feel. I hope you have the most amazing time with them. xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sarah Elizabeth! It's comforting to know that there are at least a few people out there who know exactly how I feel. That kind of distance (US West Coast to UK) is TOUGH! xo
DeleteAhh how lucky you are to have these precious people in your life, regardless of the distance.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a year since I moved from England to the Netherlands and I miss my friends all the time, but moving really does show you those people that want to tag team the effort involved in keeping up those relationships from a far. The lovely lady I thought was my 'best' friend (not including my ma of course ;) ) has become the person I've heard from least, since moving. I get it though, life is a busy old thing! But my heart swells when I receive a little note in the post from people who have fast become precious to me.
Making friends as a grown up is so hard! If you have any tips on this, as an expat, I'm all ears! No offence to my beloved mother in law, but I think it's time to expand my group ; )
Gemma
www.fadedwindmills.com
Hey Gemma, I read your comment a while ago but I wanted to think about it before coming back to you! I can imagine how difficult must have been to leave your friends in England for the Netherlands and I completely agree about those who "make the effort" versus those who do not!
DeleteBut the part that particularly resonated with me was: making friends as a grown-up. It is the worst. It takes so much effort! For me, I made terrific friends at work and through the yoga studio I joined when I arrived in London, as well as the orchestra I play with. From there, my friend circle slowly started to expand, but it took a couple of years. I also went on a lot of "friend dates", which were sometimes awkward, sometimes great.
I wrote more about it here, if you're interested: http://www.angloyankophile.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/oh-youre-lonely-go-make-some-friends.html
But I am sure you will be making some wonderful new friends soon! It just takes a lot of patience, I think. xo
What a lovely post! I don't have any long distance friendships but I can't imagine how joyous it is when you see your soul sisters again! xx
ReplyDeletewww.thatgirlrhianna.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you, Rhianna! You're lucky to have your friends close by. But! I know I'm lucky to have mine no matter the distance. We are so excited for May! Thanks so much for stopping by to read. xo
DeleteYou and I are two peas in a pod. My three best friends are also scattered across the states and since I finally joined the 21st century and got an iPhone we iMessage almost daily. Before it was more like twice a month. I know exactly how you feel! Excited for your friends to visit! You must be so thrilled. I know I would be!
ReplyDeleteI feel like we have so much in common - I must drop by Pickle & Rye to meet you (AND TO HAVE A REUBEN, DUH). I am totally with you on the iPhone messaging. We do group texts all the time and I wake up to hilarious conversations that have gone on without me in the night! It's the best.
DeleteI love this post. I'm 14 years in London now, and the past year has been the hardest for me by a mile! Everyone that felt like 'family' here has finally left, so I suddenly feel like I'm living in a foreign land, even after all this time. I relate to every word you wrote in this post, and it is so comforting to know others feel this way. I love your blog btw, it's brilliant, so glad I came across it! Annmaree x
ReplyDeleteThank you so, so much, Annmaree (gorgeous spelling!). 14 years is a long time! Where did you move from? THAT is something I totally forgot to anticipate: when friends left London, I felt so adrift! It really shakes your foundations, especially if you had few (or fewer than you would have in your "home" country) good friends to begin with. I definitely know how you feel, so thank you for sharing with me! xo
DeleteI'm all the way from New Zealand! I moved here to very few friends, but housesharing in your twenties in London is the best, and you tend to gravitate to those in similar circumstances i.e. away from home, people from the same country as you etc. Then one day you suddenly grow up and live in a small house without all these people, because they've all gone home and you look around you and go 'um? I'm not sure this is as fun as it used to be?!'. I have my darling group of high school friends back in NZ, they've all stayed super close and they are always there when I go home. But I made my best friend here in London, she's also a kiwi, but her and her aussie husband (they were both my housemates), have moved to Australia. They were my London family. And it feels empty without them! You're so no alone in this! xxx
DeleteYes, I just checked out your beautiful blog - that's far!!! I also houseshared in my early twenties, but I haven't kept in touch with my housemates. We definitely had a commaderie and friendship when living together, but we were all very different. I think the importance and impact of friendships on expats is seriously underrated. As you said, when you looked around and saw that the people you'd spent a lot of time with (and were close to) were suddenly gone, it really colors your experience of where you're living. I know that the times I've considered moving out of or away from London has been when friends have moved away. I'm so sorry that your friend moved to Australia. That is HARD. Here's hoping that you'll find a similar friendship here again in no time xxx
DeleteSO I read this yesterday but wanted to come back to it when I had a bit more time on my hands. Much like your long distance relationships post, this really tugged on the heart strings. I've been there!!!! I am heading back to the UK on Saturday to see people and do useful wedding stuff but the principal reason is that I'm being a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. I missed her engagement party, her birthday, her hen do...but I'll be damned if I was going to miss this!! Long distance friendships hurt as much as relationships sometimes, but one thing I've come to realise is that you value the time you do have with those special people so. much. more. I hope you have an awesome time with your besties! And you should definitely get planning the next meet-up as soon as they leave British soil.
ReplyDeletePolly xx
Ahhhh thank you, lovely! I bet you are so looking forward to your trip on Saturday!!! I'll be taking off Sri Lanka and am sad that I'm missing your visit, but I hope you get a lot of visits with friends and family in inbetween your wedding planning! xxx
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ReplyDeleteI'm not an expat but I'm on the other side of this story - I have three close friends who have all moved away. I've wrestled with the obvious fact that I'm the common factor here, but they all insist I'm not the reason! I've written about it before too here: http://www.charliedistracted.com/2014/08/friends-in-far-away-places.html
ReplyDeleteYour friends will miss you just as much too, it's hard no matter who is where or for how long. But thank the lord for the internet!
Cx
Hi Charlie, thanks for your lovely comment and for sharing your post - I teared up reading it because I can relate to every single bit you wrote. Thank goodness for the internet, indeed. It makes physical absences ever-so-slightly more bearable. x
DeleteI somehow missed this post! I really appreciate my two best friends because even though I am now thousands of miles away from them, our conversations are still full of love and laughter and they feel so current...like I still live within driving distance of them. And we don't need to talk every day, or even every week! But every time we do speak, it's like no time has passed. And I moved away from them before moving to England. They're in CA, and I ended up moving back to NC. But it doesn't matter. Wherever any of us are, we love each other and that won't change :)
ReplyDeleteLove this, Gianni. <3
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