Last week, and indeed, over the weekend, when I was recovering from this pretty-freaking-intense operation I had in my upper jaw/sinus (I still can't eat "normal" food quite yet), I found myself feeling guilty for napping outside in our garden; for watching back-to-back episodes of Gilmore Girls on loop until I passed out in front of the TV; for eating ice cream followed by jello followed by more ice cream.
Still tired from the after-effects of general anaesthesia, I pushed myself to do laundry; to iron; to tidy; to clean. On more than one occasion, I felt guilty for not writing and publishing blog posts, of all things. I tried to sit down and write, but my brain was too fuzzy from painkillers to formulate a sentence that I was happy with.
And then I thought: what the actual f*ck? I'm recovering from an operation - not skipping work to chill out at home. Where my left cheek joins my gumline, I have stitches that run from behind my last molar to just under my nose. I do not need to feel guilty for resting and relaxing.
A couple years ago, I suffered a terrible, devastating loss. I remember grieving this loss nearly eight months later and crying to my friend on the phone, "Why can't I just get over it?" Her answer was quiet, but measured: "If this happened to me, would you tell me to get over it?"
Folks, it was a lightbulb moment - no, more like a lightning-strike moment.
Of course I wouldn't tell my best friend to "get over it". I'd tell her to take all the time she needed; that she should be kind to herself; that she could call and we could talk and laugh and cry whenever she wanted to.
So why couldn't I extend the same compassion to myself? Likewise, if my friend had just had an operation, would my first thoughts be, "She should really be using her time off to catch up on blog posts" or "She should really stop wasting her time napping and get her second bedroom in order - yikes, it's a disaster in there"?
Hell. No.
So, next time you put yourself down or critize how you're handling a situation, ask yourself: would you treat your friend this way? Chances are, the answer would be a resounding "no".
Go you Jaime, we all need a reminder to be good to ourselves sometimes. Hope you're feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lucy! You're absolutely right. I'm gradually getting better every day, thank you :)
DeleteWell said, Jaime. We tend to be way too hard on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I hope you'll feel better soon! I had a similar sinus operation a few years ago (I had a tooth stuck in my sinus... it was fun) and I remember the aftermath. Take care, it will all feel better soon! x
UM, are we twins separated at birth? My story is that when I had the first operation over 10 years ago, a cyst had pushed my tooth into my sinus up against the orbit of my left eye. Now that same cyst keeps reoccuring - so you know EXACTLY what I'm going through! x
DeleteOuch! Yes, I really do know what you're going through. Everyone thought I was an oddity, but now I can tell them I'M NOT ALONE! We're basically sinus-twins. :) I remember the day of the operation, I kept on joking that I might wake up and not need glasses anymore (because I'd heard a story of a blind woman who had regained her sight after having some teeth extracted). Oh well, that didn't happen, but at least my sinus is tooth-free now (I do have a huge hole left in my gum though).
DeleteI hope the recovery is going well. xxx
So so true, I really needed to read this. Hope you are feeling better and take your time relaxing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Isabel! Hope you're taking good care of yourself :)
DeleteThis is perfect!! I did the same thing when I had a septoplasty and when I have a bad mental day so I know exactly what you're on about!! Hope you have a quick recovery!!
ReplyDeleteDee | PromptsbyDee xoxo
Thank you, Daisy! Ouch, that sounds so rough - glad to hear that you recovered well though!
DeleteIt seems so simple when it's put that way isn't it?! For some reason, so many of us decide to set ourselves ridiculous targets of courage or productivity that, as you say, we would never dream would be appropriate for our loved ones! Really useful reminder Jaime. Hope your post-op recovery is going ok.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shikha! Yes, it does seem ridiculously simple, but our minds are often our own worst enemies! I'm feeling much better, thank you!
DeleteI've been trying to use this method as a gauge of how I should treat myself for a good long while now, but I so often forget it! A reminder is always good. I hope you're on the road to recovery! I've been binge marathoning Gilmore Girls for the past week too - must be a sympathy binge ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to forget - I'm beginning to think that I need this mantra on my dressing table! Totally support your sympathy binge ... GG is the most comforting show around.
DeleteI hope that you feel better soon. I love this post and the sentiment behind it. We are so had on ourselves but would never pass those same judgments on our friends. I am absolutely going to be asking myself this question from now on. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Carolann! I'm much better now and reminding myself to go easy!
DeleteThis is such a great reminder, I'm sure everyone feels this way every now and then! It's horrible how we treat ourselves sometimes, and it's good to sometimes step away from yourself and think what you would say if it was a friend or a family member feeling this way. I'm definitely guilty to this every now and then, so thank you for writing this post and reminding me that that shouldn't be the case! I hope you're feeling better and watching aaaall of the Gilmore Girls episodes and relaxing :) x
ReplyDeleteLaura // Middle of Adventure
Thank you so much, Laura! I'm glad to know that you could relate to this post too :) x
DeleteOh eek that sounds unpleasant to say the least. I hope you recover speedily! I agree we do tend to push ourselves in ways we'd never expect of others. Thanks for the handy reminder and I hope you manage to master the art of Pacing Yourself :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rachel! I'm so much better now. I definitely need to master the art of "Pacing Myself" - what a great way to put it! Maybe THAT should be my mantra from now on ...
DeleteI love this post Jaime. Short & sweet & just what I needed today. Thank you :)
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3 <3
DeleteReally hope you're feeling better Jaime, take all the time you need for yourself - sometimes we just need to listen to our bodies when it's begging for that break... xx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Ayushi - definitely! xx
DeleteYes! We are so hard on ourselves and hold ourselves to standards that we wouldn't for anyone else. I had a similar epiphany in 2014 while I was recovering from major surgery as well and it changed my whole outlook on life. Sending you best recovery thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Becky. I'm sure you can relate! It's good to hear that your epiphany had a lasting effect ... it's hard to remember when we're feeling our "normal" selves/healthy.
Deletewe are our own worst enemies sometimes! watch gilmore girls and recover at your own pace:)
ReplyDeleteGoing to do just that, thanks!
DeleteHope you are feeling much better xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Zoelee - have been thinking of you and keeping everything crossed for your results xx
DeleteCheck you out just going ahead and reading my mind again. I took yesterday off to unpack after moving house on Sunday and then went out for dinner in the evening. The guilt I felt at missing my regular Tuesday round-up post has been eating away at me all day. I've got brands waiting for posts to be written. I've got a MILLION holiday photos to edit and put into posts that I desperately want to share. But I have to work (hard, may I add) and there is no time. So I prioritised eating and sleeping yesterday (and will do today as well) and taking the advice I'd give to friends is something I definitely need to do. Love this post, as ever!
ReplyDeleteCx
Charlie, Distracted
Prioritize yourself - always xxxxxx
DeleteI love this post! On the one hand, I related so much to your experiences - I too had an experience of complicated grief and am ever thankful for that one friend who invited me out week after week so that I could pour my heart out.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right in terms of the kindness we extend to others that we somehow fail to extend to ourselves. What on earth is that about?