I used to think that I was anti-social. That I was an introvert.
But actually, I'm, like, really social. I love having people over, hosting dinner parties, going on shopping trips with friends, hanging out at my neighbor's house when I'm feeling a little lonely (no matter that he's 80 and talks through the Great British Bake Off instead of watching it) ... I love the street we live on because it's so social. I love saying "hi" and exchanging pleasantries with at least three different people before I reach my front door. I'll chat the ear off the man who owns the corner shop if I could - mostly because I'm social, but also because I'm American.
However, I'm always a little reluctant - a little whiny, a little stand-offish - when it comes to meeting new people. And it's because of that question. You know the one.
Let me set the scene:
You're at a supperclub in East London, hosted by a friend of a friend. You've arrived a little late, so you hang up your coat and take a seat next to a table that's already boozing and chatting the night away. You're greeted by warm and friendly faces. You're introduced to Mark and Louisa. Mark and Louisa are a couple who live in Bethnal Green. They're architects and they wear matching watches. They probably own a lot of HAY furniture at home. You're just bonding over your mutual love for House of Cards when Mark turns to you and says, "And what do you do?"
Cue stammering and hesitation; a cop-out: "Well, I do a lot of different things, haha! I mean, we all do, AMIRITE? Haha!"
Then, when pressed for detail: "So, I work in publishing. Book publishing, actually. In Rights. Sort of. Like, Business Affairs. So, negotiating contracts for acquisitions and sales. Of titles. Yeah. And, um, I also write. Kind of. I mean, I have a blog and I freelance for magazines. Sort of."
What I really want to say is, "I have a million and one jobs and I can't quite define all of them but they are equally important and sometimes when I get home, I really just want to jump in the shower and do my nails or cook dinner or something but really I'm on my phone promoting a blog post from the moment I get off the tube to the minute I turn my key in the door and then I have to style a shot for Instagram but I can't right now because it's nearly Daylight Savings Time and it's going to be dark by 4 pm and sunrise isn't until 8 or something so I can only shoot on weekends when I'd much rather be watching House of Cards in bed which then produces a lot of self-loathing because I love to write and take photos but really I just wish there were more hours in a day so I could decompress when I need to instead of finding the next best thing to Instagram."
I've had a full-time job for as long as I've had this blog. Ideally, I'd love to have one or two days per week to devote to the blog, but I just can't tear myself away from my day job, which - while fun and fulfilling - is demanding and requires a lot of focus and concentration.
So, I write after work or on the tube or during my lunchbreak or on the weekend (seriously, the number of times I've groaned on Sunday morning: 'Ugh, I have so much writing to do' without lifting a finger" has outnumbered the times I've Instagrammed a photo of smashed avocado on toast - which is a lot).
But the thing about creativity is ... you can't just switch it on. Ideas come to you (my magic place is the shower, when I'm whistling a bad song on repeat and have one leg propped up against the bath, slathered in shaving cream, razor poised).
Which is why blogging with a full time job is tough. I don't even really mind the crazy schedule; it's just ... the creative process requires me to be out and about. Living life. Observing. Noticing. I don't notice anything when I'm chewing off a fingernail trying to think of a title for my review that was supposed to be published over a week ago, except for the blinking cursor in front of me going, "Come ON. COME ON!".
Also, as I've grown older, my priorities have changed. Honestly? I'm more likely to eschew a fun blogging event for a quiet night in with my husband - a husband who - while completely doting and pretty-much-gosh-darn-perfect - travels a lot and works long hours. I probably do this to the detriment of my blog.
I know.
But spending that time with someone I love and who I don't see as often as I'd like to, is more important to me than an eye-wateringly beautiful five-course meal. Don't get me wrong: I would love to be at that table for that five-course meal. And I spend the next day scrolling through others' social media posts with a serious sense of FOMO.
But I've got to prioritize. I don't have time not to.
I'm also trying to be more compassionate toward myself - something I've been working on all year long, and which I wrote about in this post. So, I've entered into a little contract with myself: a contract that says I won't beat myself up if I don't have a whole slew of posts scheduled and ready for publication Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning. That, if I've had a busy day at work, I'll allow myself the space to veg on the couch watching Luke Cage for half an hour before making dinner and calling it an early night, instead of slavishly sitting front of a blank screen waiting for inspiration to hit me (that only results in stilted copy anyway, I've found). That I'll pay less attention to rankings and stats.
If you blog and work full time, how do you balance it all? Are you happy with that balance? I'd love to know!
Then, when pressed for detail: "So, I work in publishing. Book publishing, actually. In Rights. Sort of. Like, Business Affairs. So, negotiating contracts for acquisitions and sales. Of titles. Yeah. And, um, I also write. Kind of. I mean, I have a blog and I freelance for magazines. Sort of."
What I really want to say is, "I have a million and one jobs and I can't quite define all of them but they are equally important and sometimes when I get home, I really just want to jump in the shower and do my nails or cook dinner or something but really I'm on my phone promoting a blog post from the moment I get off the tube to the minute I turn my key in the door and then I have to style a shot for Instagram but I can't right now because it's nearly Daylight Savings Time and it's going to be dark by 4 pm and sunrise isn't until 8 or something so I can only shoot on weekends when I'd much rather be watching House of Cards in bed which then produces a lot of self-loathing because I love to write and take photos but really I just wish there were more hours in a day so I could decompress when I need to instead of finding the next best thing to Instagram."
I've had a full-time job for as long as I've had this blog. Ideally, I'd love to have one or two days per week to devote to the blog, but I just can't tear myself away from my day job, which - while fun and fulfilling - is demanding and requires a lot of focus and concentration.
So, I write after work or on the tube or during my lunchbreak or on the weekend (seriously, the number of times I've groaned on Sunday morning: 'Ugh, I have so much writing to do' without lifting a finger" has outnumbered the times I've Instagrammed a photo of smashed avocado on toast - which is a lot).
But the thing about creativity is ... you can't just switch it on. Ideas come to you (my magic place is the shower, when I'm whistling a bad song on repeat and have one leg propped up against the bath, slathered in shaving cream, razor poised).
Which is why blogging with a full time job is tough. I don't even really mind the crazy schedule; it's just ... the creative process requires me to be out and about. Living life. Observing. Noticing. I don't notice anything when I'm chewing off a fingernail trying to think of a title for my review that was supposed to be published over a week ago, except for the blinking cursor in front of me going, "Come ON. COME ON!".
Also, as I've grown older, my priorities have changed. Honestly? I'm more likely to eschew a fun blogging event for a quiet night in with my husband - a husband who - while completely doting and pretty-much-gosh-darn-perfect - travels a lot and works long hours. I probably do this to the detriment of my blog.
I know.
But spending that time with someone I love and who I don't see as often as I'd like to, is more important to me than an eye-wateringly beautiful five-course meal. Don't get me wrong: I would love to be at that table for that five-course meal. And I spend the next day scrolling through others' social media posts with a serious sense of FOMO.
But I've got to prioritize. I don't have time not to.
I'm also trying to be more compassionate toward myself - something I've been working on all year long, and which I wrote about in this post. So, I've entered into a little contract with myself: a contract that says I won't beat myself up if I don't have a whole slew of posts scheduled and ready for publication Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning. That, if I've had a busy day at work, I'll allow myself the space to veg on the couch watching Luke Cage for half an hour before making dinner and calling it an early night, instead of slavishly sitting front of a blank screen waiting for inspiration to hit me (that only results in stilted copy anyway, I've found). That I'll pay less attention to rankings and stats.
If you blog and work full time, how do you balance it all? Are you happy with that balance? I'd love to know!
