You know those people who come into your lives who you instantly connect with? The ones you feel like you've known for 10 years, instead of 2 minutes? That's how I feel about my friend Erin, a (former) fellow American in London, who reached out to me via this blog.
When we sat down to dinner at Ottolenghi for the first time over two years ago, I was worried it'd be awkward: I'd never met a reader before, and what if I didn't match up to my blog persona? Within minutes, we'd found out that:
- we're both from the West Coast (Erin's from California and I'm from Washington)
- she shares the same birthday as my mom and my father-in-law
- we share the same age gap with our siblings
- we're both married to Brits
- we're enthusiastic foodies and have similar taste in style
I mean, our similarities gave me goosebumps! Over sharing plates of grilled asparagus and okra, followed by ice cream at Udderlicious next door, we talked excitedly about our other interests: "Do you like this? What do you think about that?" Our friendship was meant to be.
So, when Erin texted me a few months ago to say, "I have some really exciting news!", and told me about her new job offer in L.A., I was so, so happy for her. I couldn't think of a more deserving, better person for the role and I knew that she and her husband had always planned to settle in the States at some point.
Then I felt sad, because I didn't want her to leave; she's one of my tribe.
But it's not the first time I've made American friends here who have moved back to the States: there was Suzy, whose baby girl I held for the first time on a snowy day in Putney (who's now a big sister, twice over), and Ruth, who also worked in publishing.
I was sad when they both left, not only because they were great friends (and we still keep in touch), but also because they understood that part of me that often gets neglected here: that expat, American, sometimes-homesick, always-a-little-too-enthusiastic-about-everything part.
And I miss them.
Friends are a funny thing: we often take each other for granted. But it's not until their absence becomes a reality that it's really felt.
I don't think there is an expat who wouldn't resonate with your story, Jamie. It is hard to be out there and make new friends everywhere you go, and it's even harder letting them go when time comes. I find, that's the hardest part of expat life.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you feel the same way, Nano, especially in Japan, where the cultural differences (I'd assume) are much more "felt" ... I'm not articulating myself very well here, but I hope you'll know what I mean!
DeleteI have the opposite problem, I'm a Brit who's friends have all moved away for work (okay, mostly to other places in the UK but really far away hard to reach ones - who knew the Isle of Scilly were so expensive to get to?!). So I feel your pain in a way! Just got to treasure the memories :-).
ReplyDeleteI think you're right about treasuring those memories ... I have an expat friend who once told me that she doesn't bother making friends with other expats because she knows that they'll leave eventually and she doesn't want to invest in those friendships, which I think is so sad! You miss out on connecting with some great people that way.
DeleteTotally agree 100% dear. It's always hard to let go, but it's also hard being the one who went away.
ReplyDeleteBut the beautiful thing about leaving, is that you get to really harness the friendships that matter! Enjoy the memories darling!
Honey x The Girl Next Shore
So true, Honey! xx
DeleteI think I've commented on here before about how much I miss some of my closest friends because they live abroad. Despite talking to them every day, sometimes only a hug or a glass of red with them is the only thing I want. Last night I watched the episode of Parks & Rec where Ann moves away and it resonated with me so much. I've always said that I'm basically Leslie Knope, too!
ReplyDeleteCx
Charlie, Distracted
I know what you mean, Charlie. One of my best friends lives in San Diego and we often trade emails where we describe our "perfect day" together i.e. curled up on the couch sipping hot chocolate and talking about EVERYTHING under the sun and laughing our heads off! It makes me *that* much more appreciative of the reunions we do get to have.
DeleteThis is like my worst thing as I love living in London but I feel like everyone is so transient that I find friendship so hard - prompting my recent post. My sister is moving back next year too and I'm not happy about it!
ReplyDeleteJasmin Charlotte
I agree that it happens in London a lot, Jasmin! Even if my US friends don't move back, I often know British friends who decide to move out of London and it means that we see each other far less often ... particularly if they have kids and it's easier for me to travel up/down to see them. I didn't know your sister lived here too?!
DeleteI feel this. As an expat, some of my closest friends I've made in the UK have also been expats (not only from home, but from all over the world). That means they are always leaving, though! Sometimes I feel like being an expat is a constant stream of goodbyes. (Also...I SO get the always-a-little-too-enthusiastic thing).
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of goodbyes, Sarah - you've hit the nail on the head! I'm also really grateful for the friends I've made here who are staying put (at least, for the forseeable future). I never thought I'd have the support network that I do today, and I shouldn't forget it, either!
DeleteBeautiful post :) I totally know what you mean, it feels like a breakup when they leave.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marcella! Yes, you're right - it *does* feel like a breakup. It's interesting to see which friends we choose to go the extra mile (sometimes literally) to stay in touch with though!
DeleteSo, so, so much!
ReplyDelete